Im sure im not the only one who agrees Grandma was a person with lots if inner strength, if times were tough she would continue to thrive. Grandma was my umbrella when I was down or needed shelter. Grandma would invite ne to sleep in her bed with her if I had a nightmare, everytime after we woke she would remind how much of a pain I was to share a bed with.
I remember when she got a tablet and i linked her up to our wireless, she got pokies and bingo apps, but i swear her favourite was words with friends, because if I hadnt sent her a word back she would yell out from her room, Alex you havent sent me a word yet. Sometimes we would have about seven games going just so she had her words.
Grandma also took part in playing boardgames with my best friends Amie, Louie and Maddy. Greed and Skipbo, she would get go excited and if we took to slow to have our turn she would tell us to hurry up. Grandma was grandma to my friends , asking if they have a job yet or offering to make toasties, and if they needed a place to stay she was there for them too.
Grandma made the best cornflake coooKies, ginger cake, yorkshire pudding, apple pie, triffle, cold milo, Sandwiches and lots more.
Im a bit more at peace now since grandma got her Angel wins, i still feel She is present. This weekend we will be scattering her ashes.
Do i write, ponder or stare ? Where is lah lah land and whats in it… When people talk about it, its seems pleasent and peaceful.
She looks just over my shoulder , nothing is there, she tells me nothing is there. Bones, her bones are hard, her skin is like a thin top blanket, i get why she wears a few of them to keep warm. She ask why dont i take my coat off, i tell her i can feel the coldness in the air too
Have you ever watched someones face blotch up and the bottom part of the eye become watery just before they cry… I did for five seconds then my eyes wondered out the window.
Shes weak, she cant walk but she wanted to go to the toilet and she asked me to take the blankets off her feet and move them to the edge of the bed. I cant help her up , she has a catheder attached for her unwanted fluids to go in. She just looks so sad, she was just so determined to get to the toilet and i had to say no.
I sit and cry, my nose cries too. That bottle of wine i have a home is starting to look tasty. Look at grandma, one of the most healthiest woman i ever knew is lying in bed looking down and hopeless. Even i feel hopeless.
No body likes death, once your gone you are gone. Once someone you love becomes sick, its like a waiting game, a painful waiting game. When cancer kicks in , dying becomes scary… it keeps spreading likes vines, spreading and griping onto anything it can.
My grandma has cancer, shes in the last stage of cancer. I go sit with her in Hospital. She lays there, has a bit of a chat and closes her eyes. Shes tired. I have known grandma to be motivted .. But she is weak. Its sad really, but after a few weeks of struggling to accept, I Finally can.
Practicing Mindfullness to cope, accept.
I picture myself on the cliff , looking down, I can see my family there, mum is trying to keep busy just like her father, my uncle looks like he is chattering away, my cousins face looks blotchy, my other uncle has his head lowered and his is frowing. I stand there a watch my family go through what i am going through, we all cope differently. I am not enjoying the height of watching, I wish I could be there and help but so many people and so many noises get to me. So I get them and have to get me too.
Did you know we have about 70,000 thoughts a day? Because i didnt until my mum told me. This blog post doesnt have a specific topic but can I gloat about how proud I am of me, cause its too late to ring mum.
I have joined the Reclaim the night committe board and Im proud. Its something my mum and I share a passion for. Plus mum took me to RTN protests when i was in primary school, 15 years ago.
What is RTN?
RTN, Reclaim The Night start in Belgium, Germany. There was a conference held in 1976 both men and woman. At the conference mainly men were speaking disrespectfully of woman and the woman heard leading them to march the streets of belgium, which became world wide.
October is Sexual violance awareness month, the theme is we believe you. We believe victims of rape and sexual violance.
Im in Australia. Im on the RTN committee to let woman know I believe them, I will walk with them to end violance against woman and their children, I am also a victim, they are not alone.