Note for recovery

personal, Relationships

When you wake up and smell the rose it’s puts your brain in some other dimension. Mindfulness. It allows you to sit back and smile. This week the universe gave us a test that brought on alot of stress, stress we were not prepared for. But we are still surviving and you know not what I am pretty much thankful for the way my partner has been helping me out during my time of ‘survery’ and ‘recovery’. I know the poor me card was drawn a few times by me, which I apologise for cause it’s embarrassing to look back at. But wholy fuck my partner still gets up and goes to work, comes home and gets dinner ready, we have clean clothes and towels cause he washed them all and he is still able to make sure I am okay in my recovery. I mean that’s alot to do on your own whilst the other one is not well and fit. I guess what I am trying to say is, I love the things he is doing to support me during this time for the both of us. One day if I never had to do the same for him I’d do it too because I love him. ❤️🌻 & I am so grateful to have him in my life.

Day four

personal

It’s peaceful, I feel at peace with being in hospital. I’ve developed a routine to help with my mental health. I get up and do a few laps of the ward, read the information on the wall. Look at the nurses/doctor pet wall everytime and smile. For the love of animals it’s my favourite wall.

I’m in the green ward my grandmothers, my partners and mums favourite colour, also the colour of nature. No ones asked me questions or given me topic to write about but I’m starting to feel a sense of brain power again. I’m very lucky to be getting better and to be classed as Independent here. I feel sorry for the elderly who can’t get up to go to the toilet, brings back memeries of when grandma was sick. I honestly have no idea how she was able to still hold on to her inner strength, but she’s taught me something and so has my grandfather.

Pa taught me, “if you don’t need strong pain killers, then you don’t need strong pain killers. Get use to the random aches if you are able to manage…” sometimes as much as the elderly ways annoyed me I believe they have helped me to survive this sickness.

You are all probably wondering what sickness I am on about..

I’m 28, I have acute pancreaitis and a few gallstones. I’ll be going into surgery to have my gallbladder removed.

The nurses here are great and I do let them know I suffer severe anxiety so bare with me…

The butterfly Story

beauty, mental health, personal

Have you ever heard the story about the butterflies? The ones kept in a cage, they were safe from danger and harm, the were protected from the outside world. They were well fed and looked after.

One day one someone left the lock on the cage unlocked, and there was an opening to leave, all except one butterfly stayed. The ones who stayed looked puzzled and never understood why that one butterfly wanted to leave an environment where they felt safe and looked after. They asked, “Why would you leave when it’s safer in here…?”

That one butterfly replied with., “because I’m free.”

I know these arnt butterfly wings.

If you have a chance think about it, how did you interpret this story? Did make you think about something in your life right now or something in the past? What is freedom to you?

Adapt

mental health

How do you cope with change? Does the word make you cringe? We go through change from the day we were born, however it’s not easy for some of us. We cant avoid it, if the change is made to be positive and exciting, you may find yourself curious yet your nerves or anxiety may be triggered.

During this time of age it’s okay to feel the way you are feeling, do the best you can do to adapt to the change. For me, I’ve recently moved away from home and wow my anxiety is high. So I’m learning to adapt.

Right now I am having some down time, tears and relaxing music, I’ll have a cup of tear. I’ve put unpacking to the side for a while because I need a break. Taking a step back, to breathe or meditate when anxiety us high is recommended.

Other ideas to adjust/adapt…

Create a safe place in your home where you can relax and take a break. Write your thoughts down or start a blog. Have a shower or bath. Warm drinks help me. Paint or draw. Put in relaxing music. Create some form of routine. Read. Have time to your self. Be with nature. Cuddle someone you love.

Take a step back and observe the situation. Think of strategies to handle that is positive. Remind yourself that you need to accept the things you can not change, but you can adapt.

Think about it

personal

Are you stressed, overwhelmed or is it anxiety? What is your current situation that may have brought these feelings on? How can you respond positively to reduce “explosion” (making things worse)

Personal

So I suffer from a personality disorder, and I’ve started a new job which can be quite stressful. I was overwhelmed and my eyes were watering but I kept breathing, when I’m overwhelmed anxiety hangs around and I had to ask for help and that is okay. Remind yourself asking for help does not mean you can’t do your job. It does not mean you are weak, we are not perfect. Usually I would avoid work for a few days after a stressful situation but not this time, Im going back tomorrow because I like to remind myself that tomorrow is a different day.

Remind

Breathe, take a step back and evaluate the situation, the chain of events, put in place strategies that have previously worked or something you’d like to try that may help you, accept you are doing the best you can, there will be support around you just ask, praise yourself about what you have achieved to get through this.

Effort

personal

We talk about how there are two sides to every storey or maybe more. We talk about effort and trying, we talk about promises being kept and being broken. We talk about effort like it’s a bad thing.. “that’s too much effort!”

However effort can be positive, I prefer it being positive. I believe effort holds relationships in place, I believe effort helps us reach other goals and I believe effort keeps a family together.

Tug of war vs realisation

personal

I don’t like change but I don’t like events in my life that I can not change. I need to keep reminding myself that there will be things in my life that I cannot change and yes it may set me back or put a hold on things, but just as proven previously I can get through it, whatever it is.
Today I said out loud, “I need to accept the things I cannot change. I need the courage to change the things I Can to help me through the things I cannot change…”

Mini cheesecake

food, pastry, personal, sweet tooth

Yummo, with cream cheese in the fridge I wanted something to do with it rather than wasting it. So I decided to make Mini Cheesecakes. The recipe is for 6 but ended up having enough mixture for a few more. Feel free to try this recipe.

Ingredients

250g of room temp cream cheese, – 1 tsp of vanilla extract (if you don’t have that use maple syrup, can use more than a teaspoon to bring out the maple flavour) – 1 tablespoon lemon juice – 2 eggs mix in separately – 1/2 cup caster sugar – granita biscuits for the base or choc ripple

Try not to over whip the cream cheese I made that mistake. Bake for 20 mins, 118 degrees and leave out for ten mins and then put in fridge for an hour.

Re-visiting

nature, oppurtunity, personal, photography

Have you ever been to a place where your heart feels at peace within yourself and the world, a place where the wind blows by and the water ripples, maybe your place isn’t like that but it still keeps you at peace with the world. A place to meditate a place to remember, a place to think.

Maybe you are like me who has a place where the water flows, the wildlife sing and the wing blows. A place where the world doesn’t feel against you.

I always found this place to be my go to when I needed time feel at peace with the world. I use to come here as a kid. I would also remember the time my step father drove away, I remember watching him drive away. I know that’s a bad memory, but i was down here to spend time by myself to listen to the wind, to be a kid and play in the park, I had friends who lived near here too.

But there is a time in our lives we were the happiest and a place and we end up re visiting to remember.