Hoping I can have more than one new years resolution…. Oh well

diary enty, journal, mental health, personal

Day 8 of 2021 and I’m just starting to set goals for the year, I really wanted to write them down but I’ve chosen to blog them. DAY EIGHT and I’m just sorting out my new years resolution, possibly a bit late and do people usually share them with others?

Here is a quick image of my new years outfit. I do love alternative fashion. That night I drunk alcohol and I’m deciding that it will be my last time I do.

New Years Resolution One.

I have decided to go completely sober. I’m doing this for my health, I was never a huge alcohol drinker however since moving out of home I drank a little more than normal. Since being sick in hospital with pancreaitis and gallstones I have decided to cease alcohol. It’s going to be hard as I recently started to drink for the reason of me being sad but I know I am better than that. As a recovering drug addict who is 9 months and 23 days clean I somehow managed to believe alcohol was going to make me happy, instead it was one of many reasons of ended up in hospital, so that’s why I’ve decided to accept this challenge. If I have to go back to my support groups I will.

New Years Resolution Two

Start trauma counselling. Uhm yeah that’s going to be super hard and very emotional.

New Years Resolution Three

Start getting up every morning in my days off work and start walking. Ever since being in hospital I have come to terms on how good walking is good for me and I need to stop being lazy

I will make sure I keep up with my blogging, which may end up being journal entries, hope you don’t mind. Might gain a little insp for yourselves.

Day four

personal

It’s peaceful, I feel at peace with being in hospital. I’ve developed a routine to help with my mental health. I get up and do a few laps of the ward, read the information on the wall. Look at the nurses/doctor pet wall everytime and smile. For the love of animals it’s my favourite wall.

I’m in the green ward my grandmothers, my partners and mums favourite colour, also the colour of nature. No ones asked me questions or given me topic to write about but I’m starting to feel a sense of brain power again. I’m very lucky to be getting better and to be classed as Independent here. I feel sorry for the elderly who can’t get up to go to the toilet, brings back memeries of when grandma was sick. I honestly have no idea how she was able to still hold on to her inner strength, but she’s taught me something and so has my grandfather.

Pa taught me, “if you don’t need strong pain killers, then you don’t need strong pain killers. Get use to the random aches if you are able to manage…” sometimes as much as the elderly ways annoyed me I believe they have helped me to survive this sickness.

You are all probably wondering what sickness I am on about..

I’m 28, I have acute pancreaitis and a few gallstones. I’ll be going into surgery to have my gallbladder removed.

The nurses here are great and I do let them know I suffer severe anxiety so bare with me…

The butterfly Story

beauty, mental health, personal

Have you ever heard the story about the butterflies? The ones kept in a cage, they were safe from danger and harm, the were protected from the outside world. They were well fed and looked after.

One day one someone left the lock on the cage unlocked, and there was an opening to leave, all except one butterfly stayed. The ones who stayed looked puzzled and never understood why that one butterfly wanted to leave an environment where they felt safe and looked after. They asked, “Why would you leave when it’s safer in here…?”

That one butterfly replied with., “because I’m free.”

I know these arnt butterfly wings.

If you have a chance think about it, how did you interpret this story? Did make you think about something in your life right now or something in the past? What is freedom to you?

Adapt

mental health

How do you cope with change? Does the word make you cringe? We go through change from the day we were born, however it’s not easy for some of us. We cant avoid it, if the change is made to be positive and exciting, you may find yourself curious yet your nerves or anxiety may be triggered.

During this time of age it’s okay to feel the way you are feeling, do the best you can do to adapt to the change. For me, I’ve recently moved away from home and wow my anxiety is high. So I’m learning to adapt.

Right now I am having some down time, tears and relaxing music, I’ll have a cup of tear. I’ve put unpacking to the side for a while because I need a break. Taking a step back, to breathe or meditate when anxiety us high is recommended.

Other ideas to adjust/adapt…

Create a safe place in your home where you can relax and take a break. Write your thoughts down or start a blog. Have a shower or bath. Warm drinks help me. Paint or draw. Put in relaxing music. Create some form of routine. Read. Have time to your self. Be with nature. Cuddle someone you love.

Take a step back and observe the situation. Think of strategies to handle that is positive. Remind yourself that you need to accept the things you can not change, but you can adapt.

Think about it

personal

Are you stressed, overwhelmed or is it anxiety? What is your current situation that may have brought these feelings on? How can you respond positively to reduce “explosion” (making things worse)

Personal

So I suffer from a personality disorder, and I’ve started a new job which can be quite stressful. I was overwhelmed and my eyes were watering but I kept breathing, when I’m overwhelmed anxiety hangs around and I had to ask for help and that is okay. Remind yourself asking for help does not mean you can’t do your job. It does not mean you are weak, we are not perfect. Usually I would avoid work for a few days after a stressful situation but not this time, Im going back tomorrow because I like to remind myself that tomorrow is a different day.

Remind

Breathe, take a step back and evaluate the situation, the chain of events, put in place strategies that have previously worked or something you’d like to try that may help you, accept you are doing the best you can, there will be support around you just ask, praise yourself about what you have achieved to get through this.

Effort

personal

We talk about how there are two sides to every storey or maybe more. We talk about effort and trying, we talk about promises being kept and being broken. We talk about effort like it’s a bad thing.. “that’s too much effort!”

However effort can be positive, I prefer it being positive. I believe effort holds relationships in place, I believe effort helps us reach other goals and I believe effort keeps a family together.