Why write about something when you personally don’t even understand the constant tug of war in your own mind? So many thoughts so many feelings, back and forth, causing such frustration. At the centre of it all you.
How long have you felt like you were going crazy for? A war you never felt like you signed up to, your parents did. I hate my personality disorder, it controls way to much and I am not my disorder but unfortunately I’m stuck for life. I’m one of the many survivors… Addiction, self sabotage, implustivity, rage, suicide attempts and the never ending cycle of bpd.
High in protein, light & fluffy, delicate and easy! How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, fried, boiled, omellete or maybe another way? I was tossing up between scrambled or a omellete for lunch… I chose an omellete, flipping it wasn’t as successful as other times but the taste was amazing and fulfilling.
Imagine.. Imagine a box can be any size, it fits all of your current aches, stresses and problems, it’s heavy so heavy. There there is you feeling weak, tired, stressed and exhausted. But without giving up and walking about you try to move this box, you push, you pull, you lean up against realising it’s way too much for you. So, you ask for help, think safety first, psychological safety and well can be physical too.. You are not weak for asking for help, instead you feel supported. One person may help you, may give you resources and ways to make this box lighter or maybe more than one person..
Sometimes it’s about the journey more so the destination, they come hand in hand. I’ll let you work that one out..
So back to the box, people have come to help, it becomes an easier experience for you.. You start to feel lighter and you roll with it. The box may just disappear. I find the box becomes lighter and the little things haven’t piled up again.
Let’s talk about bad days, you may start off by feeling like you are the only one having the worst day and it can start off when you first wake in the morning. You’ve found previously the day would get better but this one bad thing ends up leaving you with a bad day where you feel nothing is going right. Of course you think you are the only one..
But let’s face it you are not the only one having a bad day, the one who speaks to you with frustration may also be dealing with something personally, the ones around you may not be having plans go the way they expected them to go and you start to realise it’s definitely not just you.
Well, I woke up feeling tired and not satisfied with the amount of sleep I got. I went to work not realising the roster was different to usual and some had to set up early so there I was freaking out that I was late and the keys weren’t in there usual spot. I was able to seek reassurance from a co worker that it was fine. Minf you on the way to work I had forgotten my UHF, so I had to turn around to go home. I’m also sensitive to the tones of peoples voices so that didnt help, especially when they became frustrated.
My tea fell off the barrier when it was moved but the person replaced it for me. Didn’t have to but I appreciated it.
If you are having a bad day try and remember you may not be the only one..
Not only do I enjoy writing about words of wisdoms, or little snacks I’ve prepared, but I also enjoy sharing images I have captured or people or places. I had the opportunity to photograph a Hawaiian dance teacher who loves palm trees and flowers.
When you wake up and smell the rose it’s puts your brain in some other dimension. Mindfulness. It allows you to sit back and smile. This week the universe gave us a test that brought on alot of stress, stress we were not prepared for. But we are still surviving and you know not what I am pretty much thankful for the way my partner has been helping me out during my time of ‘survive’ and ‘recovery’. I know the poor me card was drawn a few times by me, which I apologise for cause it’s embarrassing to look back at. But wholy fuck my partner still gets up and goes to work, comes home and gets dinner ready, we have clean clothes and towels cause he washed them all and he is still able to make sure I am okay in my recovery. I mean that’s alot to do on your own whilst the other one is not well and fit. I guess what I am trying to say is, I love the things he is doing to support me during this time for the both of us. One day if I never had to do the same for him I’d do it too because I love him. ❤️🌻 & I am so grateful to have him in my life.