Cancer – part 2

personal, Uncategorized

Do i write, ponder or stare ? Where is lah lah land and whats in it… When people talk about it, its seems pleasent and peaceful.

She looks just over my shoulder , nothing is there, she tells me nothing is there. Bones, her bones are hard, her skin is like a thin top blanket, i get why she wears a few of them to keep warm. She ask why dont i take my coat off, i tell her i can feel the coldness in the air too

Have you ever watched someones face blotch up and the bottom part of the eye become watery just before they cry… I did for five seconds then my eyes wondered out the window.

Saying no

Shes weak, she cant walk but she wanted to go to the toilet and she asked me to take the blankets off her feet and move them to the edge of the bed. I cant help her up , she has a catheder attached for her unwanted fluids to go in. She just looks so sad, she was just so determined to get to the toilet and i had to say no.

Sadness

I sit and cry, my nose cries too. That bottle of wine i have a home is starting to look tasty. Look at grandma, one of the most healthiest woman i ever knew is lying in bed looking down and hopeless. Even i feel hopeless.

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